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And I need to know that my friend's OGF is a similar Gay Separatist, otherwise the date might as well be between a bulldozer and someone chained to the blade. It's not that I don't love fashion and style. I don't buy into this, literally or figuratively. The straight guys are coached and clothed in the very stuff required of fashionable, cool gay men worthy of the modifier-“gay.” The implied message is that gay men had better buy this stuff lest they fail to be the kind of “gay” that is regaled by the culture at large. Apparently, getting the approval of a commercial cross-section of gay men requires buying just the right stuff-then you're “in.”Įven more problematic, the show is organized around the fact that a person's sexuality dictates their ability to be fashionable. I understand people are just doing what works, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a little advertising. For example, the other day, I walked past a store in Hell's Kitchen that had a huge awning that read in big lettering: AS FEATURED ON ‘QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY.' I understand the economy's bad. The gay culture I renounce is fueled by commercialism. In case you don't, it's the one where you have to buy certain stuff and act a certain way to sashay past the velvet rope into gay-A-lister-media-darling-dom. If you own a television or surf online, you know the culture I speak of. This affects my dating life because the person I date may or may not understand my gay-culture separatism, and may or may not be a part of that culture themselves. I suspect by now the straight reader might be saying “The nerve! Where does this ungrateful bastard get off?” Let's begin with where I do not: popular gay culture. So, why do my otherwise thorough friends not ask more thorough background questions? Because, by heterosexual logic, just being gay is enough.
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You know your gay colleague is lonely he just doesn't tell you that he is lonely because he has seasonal affective disorder, or a Madame Alexander doll collection. The problem is people relate on a superficial level at work. My well-meaning friends invariably get into set-up mode: “You should go out with my friend!” Then they tell me they work with this great guy, who's interested in going out, and the momentum builds, and next thing I know they give me the guy's email address. It seems everyone where I live in New York has an entertaining gay officemate and water-cooler conversations revolving around dating, where the OGC routinely delivers the wittiest bits of interpersonal disaster. But the description of one's OGF is always vague: “He's very nice”-“He's sweet”-“He's a good guy”-anything that can be used to describe a soggy puppy or a scented candle.įrequently, the OGF isn't even an "F," but is more of a "C"-a colleague.
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The latter three groups are described specifically: “He has strong cheekbones and jet-black hair ” “He has won awards for inventing ecologically-sound water bottles made from plastic alternatives ” “He wears vintage Rolexes and can also discuss comparative religions”-and so forth. It's easy for me to tell when people are setting me up with an OGF, rather than with their CGF (coolest gay friend), HGF (hottest), or SGF (smartest). Because we both pleasured ourselves under a woolly blanket while lounging in our respective family rooms as pre-teens watching Tom Selleck on Magnum P.I. The supposed point of connection would be laughable, if it weren't so often assumed: Their OGF is gay I am gay. More than a few of those friends-thinking that I am a “catch” so why am I single?-have attempted to set me up with what I have termed their OGF, their "Other Gay Friend." There is a problem with being-gay-and-dating when most of my friends are straight. Why I Reject Popular Gay Culture (Or: What to Know Before Setting Me Up With Your Other Gay Friend) Stephen Milioti